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Joke of the Day

"It's like my Mom used to say, always keep a positive pregnancy test around in case you need to ruin a man's life."

"Valentines Day Drinks: $80. Dinner: $75. The room: $250. The look on his face when she says ""I'm on my period"": Priceless."

"I'm lactose intolerant, too. Do the pills work for you? It's a crap shoot."

"I realized today why some people spend their lives looking for bigfoot. He doesn't exist."

"Farting in an elevator It's wrong on so many levels"

"Why did Ahmed Mohamed put his clock in a pencil case? because pipe clock would have just been stupid."

"If Anakin lost a limb in II and Luke lost a limb in V, then in VIII Rey WILL NOT lose a limb, because she already lost a Han."

"Thanks to Fitbit, all my anxious pacing can be passed off as exercise."

"Hey Amish person reading this: Busted."

"Did you hear about the paranoid dyslexic? He thought he was following someone."