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Joke of the Day

"ME: want anything for breakfast? BOSS: just banana [struggling to hold office door shut] ANA: let me in! ME: sorry boss said to ban you"

"In case you're thinking about having a kid, my daughter just threw a tantrum because I wouldn't let her watch me poop."

"""What should we name them?"" Grapes ""And what about these?"" Grapefruits ""I see. So one is a larger version of another?"" Not at all ""Perfect"""

"What did Ava Braun say to Adolf Hitler? I love you so much, my head could explode!"

"What do you call a little Mexican? A paragraph, because he's not quite an essay."

"My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I'm lucky I eat at all"

"This vacuum has amazing suction but no respect for my safe word."

"*accidentally walks into women's restroom* *plays it cool* *sits down* *finds comfort here* *changes name to Janice* *is alive* *is free*"

"Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl use a bathroom? The p is silent."

"What's the difference between a Pakistani middle school and an Al Qaeda training ground? I dunno, I just fly the drone."