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Joke of the Day

"I just folded a fitted sheet so beautifully an owl just delivered a Hogwarts acceptance letter to my house"

"What do you call a camel without humps? Humphrey"

"Did you know that Australians don't ever actually have sex? Because Australians mate..."

"[On a treadmill next to a girl at the gym] Me: *Out of breath* Feeling the burn? Her: Yup Me: Me too! Her: How? Your machine isn't even on"

"The Spy Who Loved Me But Wasn't, Like, IN Love With Me #RejectedBondTitles"

"Fifty Shades of Grey beat the record for fastest selling R-rated movie in history... Well, first it tied the record... then it beat it.... [credit goes to the Late Night with Seth Meyers writers]"

"What do you call an animal with a long neck and a love for oranges? A Jiraffa."

"What did the German policeman say to his nipples? You are under a vest!"

"There is nothing more hypocritical than a Buddhist saying, ""YOLO"""

"Stephen Hawking can be pretty funny sometimes, But I dont think he could do standup"