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Joke of the Day

"At the restaurant with food still on my plate... Server: ""Do you wanna box for that"" Me: ""No. It's not worth fighting for"""

"I want to believe in hope as much as someone who thinks that somebody might buy their old used shoes on Craigslist for $20."

"[dog paws your leg when you stop stroking his head] 1st time: ""aww cuuuute"" 2nd time: ""ha okay"" 3rd time: ""i am trapped in a nightmare"""

"what do I get Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger."

"""Update the force, Luke"" Adobe Wan Kenobi"

"My father has the heart of a lion... And also a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"I met this really hot chick at the club last night... She let me give her and handjob and everything."

"Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. "

"My mate thought it was funny... to post about disleyxics but he spelt ""funny"" wrong..."

"Which element is most likely to surrender an electron? Francium."