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Joke of the Day

"I want to believe in hope as much as someone who thinks that somebody might buy their old used shoes on Craigslist for $20."

"I saw two lesbians kissing in the park. ""There's a time and a place for that,"" I told my wife. She said, ""Yeah..."" I said, ""It's 9pm and my house."""

"*bride and groom kiss* minister: wow im like right here"

"Was talking to a friend about taking many baths a day. ""There's no harm in taking baths repeatedly unless you are soap."""

"What is the fastest thing in the world? Milk. Because it's pasteurised before you see it."

"""Can I replace the fries with a salad?"" = ""Do you mind if I spit on the American flag?"""

"From my 5 year old: Knock knock! Who's there? Orange! Orange Who? Orange you glad I love you? All my awws."

"Eskimo What does an Eskimo girl say before she is about to lose her virginity? ""Careful Dad, don't squish my smokes."""

"I killed my twin because she wouldn't admit that she was the evil one."

"LPT: If you couldn't fit all of the planets in the planetary alignment in one shot Try backing up a bit"