214342

Joke of the Day

"How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it."

"What color do Smurfs turn if you choke them?"

"-Babe, I can't find the condom, what if we don't use it? -Sure, I'm ready to be a mother anyways. -No, no. Look, I found it!"

"MTV has named Miley Cyrus the best artist of 2013. Kinda fitting I guess, since MTV has no idea what music is anymore..."

"I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn't find a pair anywhere."

"My boss fired me because I didn't attend the meeting as I had to answer an important call. Apparently nature's call doesn't count as important to him"

"I ate a sausage earlier, and it didn't taste very nice It was the wurst sausage I've ever eaten."

"My dog: wasn't me Me: I know My dog: honest It wasn't me Me: it's ok really My dog: [chip packet still on her head] I think the kid ate them"

"I cooked a live Lobster in the microwave and now I have a giant mutant lobster in my living room demanding to watch The Little Mermaid."

"Sometimes I like to pretend I am a cat ...and ignore my wife until it is dinner time"