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Joke of the Day

"Order by telephone only. A friend of mine went to buy a sim card. Turns out you need to call ahead to get one."

"I remember as a child lying in bed and waiting for Santa Claus to come. And how afterwards it would be so silent and awkward as he got dressed to leave."

"On my TV I can see plenty of zombies, cartoon characters, and religious hucksters. I guess the elections are coming up soon!"

"What is worse than an alligator with toothache ? A centipede with athlete's foot !"

"What's the best part of divorce? Two Kwanzaas"

"Why do gay guys dress so well? They spent a lot of time in the closet."

"Dad, I don't wanna sleep with my little brother anymore! - I know, son, but I already told you that we don't have enough money to bury him."

"Why is Chicago called the Windy City? Because Indiana sucks and Wisconsin blows"

"I explained how Pac-Man works to my kids, and apparently 4 ghosts constantly chasing someone is a terrifying story to 4yos."

"""Dad, I want to be a feminist when I grow up."" Dad: ""Well choose one honey, you can't do both""."