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Joke of the Day

"Secret to wine tasting is to open the bottle and allowing it to breathe If it doesn't look like it is breathing, then give it a mouth-to-mouth"

"[starts 2 crack beneath crushing loneliness] anyone wanna get frozen yogurt or something, maybe orchestrate an elaborate jewel heist I dunno"

"It's funny how you can tell when someone likes someone else, but you can't tell when someone likes you."

"Confucius say... Man who walks everyday barefoot will have a tough sole"

"What do you call a female dog with a PH level above 7? A basic bitch"

"Yo Mama So Fat Yo mama so fat that her Schwarzschild radius equals 1 cm."

"Where do I see myself in five years? *kicks feet up on desk* Sir, does my resume list ""psychics abilities"" under skills? No. Next question."

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman? Mick Jagger says ""Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!"", but the Scotsman says ""Hey! McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"""

"Why does putting a stone in a mans shoe make the best contraception. It will make him limp"

"Helen Keller, what color is this dress? ARGGGLLLAGHHHHGAAAAA"