193620

Joke of the Day

"Why did Donald Trump outlaw grated cheese ? So he could make America grate again."

"I put an ad in Craigslist for a muscular blonde with strong arms, excessive body hair and a thick British accent so I'm dating Madonna now."

"Why are farmers cruel? Because they pull corn by the ears."

"Pretty sure Tiger is wasting valuable babysitter fucking time with this press conference."

"[in Walmart] ""Excuse me, do you have towels?"" ""Oh, I don't work here."" [leans in close] ""I don't give a shit where you work."""

"How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son's dick. (Credit to my uncle)"

"When my phone rings, I stay very, very still. If I don't move, it can't see me."

"I love eating German sausage.... but it always gives me the wurst farts. HA HA HAHA Ha....ha....^ha ^ha^ha......^i'llshowmyselfout"

"I once asked my girlfriend if she was a newspaper. Because there's a new issue with her every fucking day."

"Back in Homer's time it was thought that ingesting small burrowing mammals would cure you of any injury. When the prince of Troy was shot with an arrow the doctor prescribed Paris eat a mole."