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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I called you ""sexy"" and didn't really mean it, but I was hungry and you were a mirage of pizza."

"For Christmas my wife wanted something that went from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds. So I bought her a scale."

"What do Anna Nicole Smith and Tom Brady have in common? They both like saggy balls."

"They say money can't buy happiness But it can buy a boat and invite happiness over for the weekend."

"What has 9 arms, 7 legs, 4 heads, and 13 feet? The finish line of the Boston Marathon."

"When a package says ""Easy Open"" I end up using scissors, knife, hammer, gun and a lightsaber."

"INTERVIEWER: According to your resume, you like to ""move it move it."" ME: That's correct. I: It goes on like for... 30 pages. M: And?"

"What do you call violence in the kitchen? Assault and pepper"

"Why doesn't Ganon use the Internet? There were too many Links."

"What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you fucking racist."