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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a politician with their head up their ass? David Cameron."

"Chief Exec: Any Ideas? Writer 1: Talking Animals! Writer 2: How about a Princess? Writer 3: Kill the parents! -Brainstorming at Disney"

"Sleeping thoughts Sometimes when I go to sleep I like to look at the stars and just think... what the hell happened to my roof!?"

"Did you know that a male ejaculates at 27mph? That's why I always get in trouble when I do it in school zones."

"I shot a frog once. It croaked."

"I measured my penis today and it said 11.7 inches. Then I realized the ruler was backwards. Credit to /u/TodoJaw21"

"Violets are green, roses are blue... Alright you bastards, who fucked with the hue?"

"Whenever I get the urge to run around naked, I stop and drink a bit of Windex It prevents streaking."

"If you get nervous at a nude beach, just imagine everyone in their underwear."

"I loved John Hurt so much... that I'm not even going to make the joke that my heart John Hurts right now. Even though it would make me feel better."