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Joke of the Day
"Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I've only missed one day."
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"Tinder is such an useless app The only match it gave me was of my wife.."
"What do you name the male and female twin monkeys? Abe and Anna"
"What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common? They both say ""Insert Bill Here"""
"What do you call a cat who takes a shortcut in a race? A Cheetah."
"Why aren't there any ""old husband tales""? There are. They just get re-branded as ""logic"" and ""the truth""."
"As a kid I thought a lot about growing up, getting a job and having kids, but not this job and certainly not these kids."
"You may refer to him as Cap'n Crunch to others, but you must still salute him in person."
"What should you call a bald teddy ? Fred bear !"
"A chinese tiger mom asks her daughter a question about her future: Erizabeth, you stirr want to be a doctoh right? Her daughter replies: No, actuary..."