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Joke of the Day

"Just found out I'm willing to drive 40mph over the speed limit to prevent a PT Cruiser from passing me."

"Did you hear about child molester who plays the piano? He was fingering a minor"

"""People want to feel special.. they'll buy sugary piss in a bottle as long as it has their name on it."" - Executives at Coke"

"My wife treats me like an idol she feeds me burnt offerings"

"I hope I don't get rheumatoid arthritis.. Fingers crossed."

"Now that Donald Trump is actually building the wall, I hear Mexicans are depressed I'm sure they'll soon get over it"

"Why can't Bill Gates get a girlfriend? Because his penis is Microsoft."

"ME: I'm heading to the shop ROOMMATE: What are you going to get? ME: [wearing a wedding dress] Compliments"

"Getting caught under your desk and coming up with nothing in your hand is always so hard to explain."

"What do you a white convict stuck between two black convicts? An Oreo crookie"