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Joke of the Day

"Puns are the only form of humor where a groan is high praise and a laugh is a fair attempt. Well, that and sex."

"Two cats decided to commit suicide by jumping off a cliff... The first cat jumped. The other was too much of a pussy."

"Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards? A: A new age song."

"What do you call a moose with no name? Anonymoose"

"There are two types of people in this world. People who pee in the shower and people who lie about it."

"Since it started raining all my girlfriend has done is look through the window If it gets any worse i'll have to let her in"

"I thought they'd named a loaf of bread after one of my exes then I realised it said Thick Cut"

"The wife's only listening to you outside the bathroom door to make sure you're not touching the decorative hand towels"

"[first date] Me: don't let her know you're a lizard Her: why did you just say that? Me: (gets scared and loses my tail but I grow a new one)"

"Wife: What did I ask you to do? Me: Love you forever? W: M: Kill a man to defend you honor? W: EMPTY THE DISHWASER I was getting there."