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Joke of the Day

"I bought a spray bottle to break my girlfriend of looking at her phone when I'm speaking. I hide it after use so she doesn't know who did it"

"I can't call people Grammar Nazis on social media anymore.... Now I call them the Alt-Write."

"Why is it easy to talk to people who earn little pay? Because they make cents!"

"What do you call a doctor who is always available? An oncallogist."

"What's the worst part about baiting a fish hook really well? Everyone knows you're a master baiter!"

"I await the announcement that Trump's running mate will be Charlie Sheen."

"Why can't bikes stand up on their own? They are two tired."

"I saw Stevie Wonder in concert the other night He didn't see me though"

"Have you heard the one about the angry mob? It's a riot."

"*helping son with math problem* [hour later] JUST WRITE 75 GODDAMMIT!"