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Joke of the Day

"TIL I have something in common with Russell Wilson. [We're both not having sex with Ciara](http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/football/russell-wilson-ciara-aren-sex-article-1.2283745)"

"Why did the Turkey join the band? because he had two Drumsticks."

"I just finished writing a Broadway musical about the dictionary. It's the ultimate play on words."

"A cop stopped me and asked ""Do you know why I followed you "" so I said ""because my tweets are funny"" & we laughed & high-fived & I'm in Jail..."

"Why are gays never really supressed? Cuz they always stick it to the man!"

"Instead of my usual Monday snark I'm going to be upbeat and have a great day LOLJK today will ass rape my spirit animal with its angry fist."

"Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is heavy, and one is a little lighter."

"Did you see the guy at Walmart hiding from ugly people?"

"There was a fire at the Yankee Candle store. 8 killed. 19 injured. 1200 soothed."