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Joke of the Day

"I just finished writing a Broadway musical about the dictionary. It's the ultimate play on words."

"What's the difference between a Catholic Priest... ... and an e-cigarette-puffing GI Joe Action Figure collector? Well, one is a toy-loving vapist..."

"I used to cry when my dad chopped onions. Onions was a good dog, I miss him."

"4-year-old: We're playing Star Wars. I'm a Jedi and Mom is a stormtrooper. Me: What am I? 4-year-old: In the way."

"A feminist grammar-nazi's favourite joke (NOT a mean joke) A woman without her man is nothing! ""Wait, that's not quite right!"" A woman; without her, man is nothing!"

"For everyone in the working world today: It's a Tuesday... ...which is like a Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim."

"Donuts are made from flour. Flour is made from wheat. Wheat is a plant. Plants are vegetables. Donuts are a vegetable."

"A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass. The doctor described his condition as stable."

"I think Santa is a pimp all he talks about are Hos."

"Auto correct changed ""mingle"" to ""mangle,"" and now I've been uninvited to a Superbowl party."