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Joke of the Day

"Instead of my usual Monday snark I'm going to be upbeat and have a great day LOLJK today will ass rape my spirit animal with its angry fist."

"What has 2 wings and a halo? Did you say angel? WRONG! Its a chinese phone. *Wing Wing* ""Halo?"""

"A man walks in to a library and asks for a book on Tourette's. The librarian says, ""Fcuk off, you cunt."" The man says, ""Yep, that's the one."""

"If there's ever a zombie outbreak, it should happen in Las Vegas Because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

"Have you heard about the recent wave of Saudi emmigration to Pennsylvania? No? Yeah, well it's quite big - there was even a popular documentary series on it... ""It's always Sunni in Philadelphia."""

"(x-post /r/meanjokes) What's worse than 10 dead babies in a dumpster? 1 dead baby in 10 dumpsters"

"What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield? Its arsehole."

"KFC is a shelter for battered chickens"

"Dating a single mother: It's like continuing from somebody else's saved game."

"My girlfriend says she needs time and distance... Is she calculating velocity?"