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Joke of the Day

"When the party host collects everyone's coats and throws them on their bed, I just stay in mine and take a nap among the jackets."

"If you love someone, set them on fire. If they don't come back they aren't a phoenix and were completely useless to you anyway."

"I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I'm so glad I don't drink anymore."

"The waiter came up to my table and said, ""Can I take your order?"" I said, ""Sure."" He said, ""Thanks, I'm just really hungry."""

"I went to the store to get six cans of sprite... ...But when I got home I discovered that I'd picked 7-up."

"I hear a woman with no legs just won the world strawberry picking competition. Jammy cunt"

"Just picked up some cologne from the .99 cent store because chicks dig it when I smell like back child support and restraining orders"

"How many /r/ users does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to do it, one to complain that it has already been done before, and one to repost this joke."

"Well, it's the end of the year. No point in trying to become a good person this late in the game."

"My blood type is coffee."