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Joke of the Day

"If you love someone, set them on fire. If they don't come back they aren't a phoenix and were completely useless to you anyway."

"What's grey and goes round and round ? An elephant in a washing machine !"

"I hope that guy that ""wants to be a billionaire"" makes $999,999,999.00 and then gets hit by a bus"

"""Said no one ever."" -Said everyone on Twitter."

"r/jokes should have an allergy warning Cauition: may contain reposts"

"Do stoners just call it a five? Do native American Indians just ask 'Are you?' after greeting someone? Do Canadians buy smaller batteries by accident, eh?"

"Circumcision is a sensitive subject... ...but not as sensitive as it used to be."

"You know what I love about world history? ... It's a long story"

"That kid didn't really find a lost Mayan city. The sites that promoted the story? I guess they'll issue a... Maya culpa."

"Probably the hardest part about being a dj is when you get into a fight and you gotta hold your headphones up to your ear with one shoulder."