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Joke of the Day

"ME: Hi, come get me. This house is weird and someone is snoring. MOM: Honey, for the last time you're not at a sleepover. You're married."

"Why do the Scots wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away."

"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair Virgin mobile"

"What is formed at the end of mitosis? My nailses"

"I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. Although the doctor says I am okay, I still feel like I dyed a little inside."

"How do you keep a vegan from eating all your dairy? Invite two of them."

"The only reason I'm on LinkedIn is to find employed dates for the weekends."

"What do you do to an Islamic dog that barks too much? Musl'im"

"how can you tell if you have amnesia? what was the question?"

"Being half German and half Jewish has its problems... Every time I walk by an oven I want to push myself in."