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Joke of the Day

"Being half German and half Jewish has its problems... Every time I walk by an oven I want to push myself in."

"I actually heard this joke in a dream this morning What do you call a little square that hasn't developed its new dimension yet? Precubescent"

"What's brown, squishy, and something a weak minded baby would eat weed brownies."

"I felt like doing some service today, so I decided to donate some video games to the Rehabilitation Center for Meth Addicts. They seemed particularly fond of ""Need for Speed""."

"Just had a really enlightening yoga session! LOLJK! I'm drinking warm whiskey out of a water bottle designed for hamsters."

"In space, nobody can hear you scream for ice cream. So remember, before trips to colonize the galaxy bring your Ben & Jerrys."

"What is orange and sounds like a parrot ? A carrot"

"What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft? A-flat minor."

"Everyone: Why don't you have kids? *points to dead cactus*"

"My phone keeps going missing Serves me right for leaving it on airplane mode"