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Joke of the Day

"Fun prank: Find a sleeping spider, crawl in its mouth and lay your eggs. Turn the tables. Give nature the finger. Live it up."

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"One party-loving millionaire tried to win his ex back And you won't believe how!"
"Why are pirates good at singing? They have great hARRRmony. I'm sorry."
"""Great speech! Have you thought about giving it from behind a wooden box for some reason?"" - podium salesman"
"How manny women dose it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one she hokds the blub and the world revolves around her."
"Whenever I'm behind a college girl in starbucks she has to order a triple mocha dark chocolate raspberry ugg boot white iphone 5 spice latte"
"I lost 150 pounds, here's my story. Some knobhead stole my wallet."
"Why did the dyslexic engineer fail college? Because he didn't understand psychics."
"What about the man with nobody and no nose? Nobody knows..."
"I had to perform CPR on my girlfriend during sex last night. When she's half-inflated it's just not the same."