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Joke of the Day

"Fun prank: Find a sleeping spider, crawl in its mouth and lay your eggs. Turn the tables. Give nature the finger. Live it up."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you."

"You're only as awkward as you say you are...out loud...in front of people...who were in a private conversation...that didn't involve you."

"Saw two blind people fighting today. I said, ""I think that the guy with the knife will win!"" They both ran away. Edit: Grammar"

"Double Joke Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. ---------------------------------- ""Knock knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""Not Sally!"""

"Why do German shower heads have 11 holes? Because Jews only have 10 fingers"

"How many gay men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I suppose at least two. But where are you going to find a lightbulb that big?"

"That awkward moment when someone says ""stop"", and you don't know whether to respond with ""collaborate and listen"" or ""hammer time."""

"Me: But I'm sweaty, I'm anxious, my heart rate is up Doctor: This is the 3rd visit I've had to tell you I can't treat being offended online"

"What did one testicle say to the other testicle? This guy in middle is a dick."