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Joke of the Day

"When other parents at the playground ask me things about my baby I say, ""I don't know. I just kidnapped her."""

"I don't understand why ISIS is such a big deal. All we have to do is parachute in Chuck Norris, and within a month they will all be dead... It can't be done faster since he fights with his bare hands."

"Does the S in iPhone 5S stand for ""superficial""? ""Shallow""? ""Slave""? Or ""soon to be obsolete""?"

"What do you call a mail order bride from Thailand? A she-mail"

"Tweeting with an egg avatar is like showing up to a job interview in a sweatsuit."

"There are three types of people: 1. Annoying people 2. Annoying people I am sleeping with 3. People I haven't met"

"Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up"

"I wasn't a fan of my facial hair at first.. But then it grew on me..."

"A great vocabulary is such a turn on. A guy used the word ""bifurcated"" during a meeting and I almost threw my panties at him."

"What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? Dam."