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Joke of the Day

"Universe's odds of existing? Near impossible. Humanity's odds of existing? Near impossible. My chances at a relationship? Well... I make the other odds look like a 1 in 6 roll on loaded dice."

"Whats green and goes through walls? A frog if you throw it hard enough..."

"i love summer so much *sits around doing nothing*"

"What do Canadians say after a prayer in church? Eh-men"

"As a guy, wearing Crocs is a lot like getting a blowjob from another man... It feels great until you look down and realize you're a homo."

"I was going to photograph my food but then I ate it. I hope I don't get kicked off Instagram for that kind of behaviour."

"I wasn't trying to break you up, but she asked me what I did last night, and your name came up. *shrugs"

"How do you call a 100 m race between siamese twins? Head to head race"

"What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? The holocaust"

"The purest love in the world exists between a rapper and his exotic fish tank."