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Joke of the Day

"I heard that no real accountants were consulted during the filming of the new movie The Accountant. They want the movie to be entertaining."

"What do you do if King Kong sits in front of you at the cinema? Miss most of the film!"

"I gotta imagine one of the worst things you can do is shit your snowsuit."

"A Bartender Says, ""We Don't Serve Time Travelers"" A time traveler enters the bar."

"I've made the front page 5 times! The girls on /r/creepyPMs are really mean and don't understand the P means Private."

"Sometimes when i don't want my wife to find something I Put it in her purse"

"What must a policeman have before searching a rabbits' home? A search warren!"

"*lays down on memory foam mattress* mattress: remember that time you pooped your pants in 3rd grade? me: I regret buying you"

"hehe everyone thinks I'm reading something on my phone but really I'm trapped in the prison of my own mind"

"A female friend of mine recently got Tinder. Tinder: Where ""Get laid tonight"" isn't just something you see on pornsite banner ads."