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Joke of the Day

"Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. ""Attempt 7 of 25""."

"There are 10 types of people in this world... Those who understand binary, and those who don't."

"People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that."

"I have an EpiPen A man lying on the roadside gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."

"A man sued an airline for misplacing his luggage. He unfortunately lost his case."

"There are 2 types of people in this world Those with the ability to extrapolate information from incomplete data"

"The Whole Foods next to this movie theater is perfect if you want to sneak in your own snacks, but don't want to save a lot of money."

"99.9% of people are idiots. Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people"

"[Therapist appt.] Hub: She doesn't have her priorities straight. *Me on FaceTime with a petting zoo in the background* ""That's not true"""

"90 years from now, they'll sing songs about the courage and bravery you displayed during the great ""Instagram Selling Your Photos"" skirmish."