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Joke of the Day

"hehe everyone thinks I'm reading something on my phone but really I'm trapped in the prison of my own mind"

"Say what you will about terrorists, but those guys really know how to paint the town red."

"I'm so poor... I can't even **pay** attention"

"A Neckbeard Approaches a Cancer Patient at a Bar... He tips his fedora and says, ""Malady."""

"How do you catch a Pokemon? Dig a hole and put Ash Ketchum in it. Then when a Pokemon comes by, run up and kick it in the Ash-hole."

"*Holds an old lady's hand as I help her across the street* don't worry ma'am i'm sure the doctors can sew it back on"

"(Dad joke) How much did is cost the pirate to get his ears pierced? A buck-an-ear."

"Why was Han solo so suspicious after sticking his dick in Princess Leia for the first time? ...it was Luke warm."

"What did the wind turbine say to Justin Beiber? Justin, I'm a big fan. wheyyyyyyyyyyyy"

"What did Santa Claus say to his wife after he watched the weather report? It's going to rain dear. ^Yeah ^I'm ^sorry ^its ^late ^guys."