212229

Joke of the Day

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And rape. Also, the dark. And being buried alive. Mondays. Most people, too. (and insects)"

"What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover? 100 meter Daesh"

"If your mom could communicate with the dead she would be an extra large."

"What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z? They're not infallible"

"I'm trying to make out with my gf tonight without sucess. Any activity subjection? Not movies."

"*calls you by wrong name in bed, blames autocorrect*"

"The boss is telling his workers a dumb joke... ...and every worker is laughing except one. The boss asks that one worker: ""Why are you not laughing?"" ""Cos I'm quitting today."""

"I hate when I decide to sleep and my brain goes like ""Come back here! Remember that thing you did, why?"" & we stay up talking about it."

"What's the difference between Hitler and Usain bolt? Usain bolt can finish a race."

"""dad mom wont tell me where babies come from"" *dad slams newspaper down* DAMN THAT WOMAN & HER SECRETS *clenches fists* WHY WONT SHE TELL US"