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Joke of the Day

"What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back."

"Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like... Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear."

"Wife: Did you want to go to Comic Con? Me: *Google searches 'Is Emilia Clarke going to be on the Game of Thrones panel at Comic Con'* ""No"""

"A magic tractor drives down a road... and turns into a field."

"I've never gotten in a car accident whenever I'm drunk or high. So, statistically, based on the data, I am a worse driver when I'm sober. Now where's my whiskey?"

"At my age, a ""stiffy"" is just my back when I try to crawl out of bed in the morning."

"The bird developed an illness. i think it started when the bird flu."

"Do furries go to doctors or vets?"

"M: HEY, DID YOU REMEMBER CONDOMS? H: FFS, use your inside voice M: *whispers* did you remember condoms? H: can this wait til after mass?"

"What's the best thing about Switzerland? Idk, but it's flag is a big plus"