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Joke of the Day

"Why did the melon have commitment issues? Because he cantaloupe"

"""Son, if you keep masturbating like that you're going to go blind!"" Dad, I'm over here."

"It's amazing that whales have evolved to live for over 700 years and humans have evolved to spread misinformation online! Nature's wonders!"

"Why did god invent whiskey? (x-post /r/drunkjokes) So the Irish would never rule the world"

"Jesus walks into a hotel He throws a bag of nails on the counter and says: ""Can you put me up for the night?"""

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's an obscure number, you wouldn't know it."

"What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? The people in Dubai don't watch the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabidoooo!"

"What do you call a homosexual weight lifter? Trap Queen"

"Optimists, pessimists, and engineers An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees a glass half empty. An engineer sees a glass that is twice as big as it needs to be."

"How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out? Hide their trainers."