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Joke of the Day

"My friend got sent to prison for pulling out 3 people from a burning building Unfortunately, it turned out they were firefighters"

"You'd think that atoms bonding would mean they're being friendly to each other, but instead they steal each others electrons. How ionic."

"Absinthe For when you'd love to wake up in the morning...naked on a raft in your neighbour's pool, but lack the motivation"

"Peter Parker's at a party He's offered a blunt. ""No,"" He says looking out the window at the skyline. ""That's not the Mary Jane I need."""

"Just had to gently break it to all these girls in Starbucks that they are not Zooey Deschanel."

"3 Doors Down: ""Okay, so we've named the band. Now what?"""

"'Calm Your Tits' is derogatory. Feminists reccomend, instead : 'De-stress the Breasts"",'Soothe your Boobs', 'Give that Chest a Rest', 'Don't have a Rack Attack' and 'Hakuna the Tattas'"

"What is it called when you crack an egg and two yolks come out? An anomalette"

"I was playing the valve trombone today. I tried to put a mute in, but it charged me."

"*Prosecution points to badger*: Objection! This animal has no place in court! Defense: Your honor, the badger is prosecuting the witness"