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Joke of the Day

"How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw in the light bulb, the other to hold the ~~penis.~~ ladder."

"[NSFW] what did the leper say to the hooker? Keep the tip"

"It's the day after my birthday and I feel like an idiot. Probably because I was born yesterday."

"[first date] Her: I love your scent, what is it? Me: desperation."

"What do books wear on a rainy day? Rain Quotes"

"uk politics joke What do you call a freshly defeated and resigned, anti-immigration uk poilitician who searches his surroundings for food and general provisions? Nigel Forage"

"I like to reinvent myself every year, last year I was a small Italian woman and the year before that a bear."

"I like my women like I like my microwaves Small, white, and will kill any baby I put inside it."

"If I were a superhero, I'd be Pizza Man. My one-liners would be cheesy, and I'd save you in 30 min or less, or your next criminal is free."

"A local police department was broken into tonight - reports say all the toilets were stolen. Police say they've got nothing to go on. (This joke courtesy of my dad)"