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Joke of the Day

"Kissing someone mid sentence is only cute in movies. I will press my hand against your face and slowly push it way until I'm done talking."

"A priest, a rabbi, and a pastor walked into a bar. And the bartender said, ""What is this, some kinda joke?"""

"What does spinach and butt sex have in common? When they are forced on you as a child you resent them as an adult"

"Breaking: It's snowing where some people live and not snowing where other people live. More about this in 10 minutes on Facebook News."

"Picture someone robbing you. Congratulations, you're a fucking racist."

"You know how they say ""Good guys finish last""? Maybe thats why my mistress has never had an orgasm..."

"I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs...But I totally trust a dog when it doesn't like a person."

"Which Fruit Can't Get Married??"

"What did the German clock maker say to the broken clock? Ve haff vays of making you tock!"

"I received a basketball in the mail from Amazon. I haven't played basketball in 20 years but apparently drunk me thinks I'm Michael Jordan."