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Joke of the Day

"What do you think of wearing a straight jacket? I think I could pull it off"

"Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures."

"The only thing better than an orgasm is being interrupted by stupid bullshit while you're masturbating. I hate stopping at toll booths!"

"Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents? Because the rest of the letters are not-E."

"Talk Like A Pirate Day Here's my impersonation of a pirate: *ahem* Look at me. Look at me. I'm the captain now."

"What do you mean mom, how could my birth certificate be expired?"

"You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse."

"locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other day. It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger"

"The Word Election and Erection Are Spelt Similarly. They also have the same meaning A dick rising to power!"

"I came in like a lion and went out like a kitten."