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Joke of the Day

"What do you mean mom, how could my birth certificate be expired?"

"Why did the nose run? It did snot want to be late"

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? ""How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."""

"""So did you hear Bruce Willis passed away?"" ""Really? How?"" ""Suicide. Overdosed on Viagra and Cialis."" ""That's terrible!"" ""Well, he always wanted to Die Hard."""

"I pan fried chicken tonight. On another completely unrelated note: the firemen in my town are gorgeoussssss."

"My friend got jailed for six months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building. Turns out that they were the firemen."

"What do little miss muffet and ISIS have in common? They both have curds in their whey."

"dishes laundry vacuuming dusting me *Things that won't get done today."

"I sit in the corner eating my tortillas completely confused by this salsa class."

"Larry La Prise, the creator of the hokey pokey died this week.... Every thing went well with the funeral except putting the body in the casket They put the left leg in.... And then the trouble started"