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Joke of the Day

"Where do you drown a hipster? In the mainstream"

"How many metal heads does it take to change a light bulb? None. Darkness foreverrrr!"

"Why does Santa have such a beautiful garden? He is always Hoe-hoe-hoeing."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Again with the victim blaming, jerk? Don't tell us to change the lightbulb, tell the lightbulb to not need changing."

"They were the type of children who would kill both parents and make you feel sorry for them because they were orphans."

"How do you stop an elephant going through the eye of a needle? By tying a knot on its tail."

"Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President."

"Stole a bunch of extra long q-tips from the doctor. Who wants to party?"

"Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound."

"So a baby seal walks into a club..."