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Joke of the Day

"When people ask me for advice, I tell them, ""Use your best judgment,"" which they clearly don't have if they are asking me for advice."

"""The Interview"" Joke Kim Jong Un walks past a movie theater and sees a movie poster for ""The Interview."" He says ""I wouldn't be caught dead in that."""

"[Genie] Last wish idiot, impress me. [Me] I want Morgan Freeman to narrate my eulogy [drops dead] [Morgan Freeman] He was an idiot."

"Why wasn't Hitler invited to the BBQ? He always burns the franks."

"I was sexually assaulted by a ghost. Didn't see it cuming."

"I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing interest in me... He asked me which companies and I told him, ""The gas, electric, and cable ones"""

"The whole purpose of travel is to return home and discover what your house actually smells like."

"What is Martin Luther King's least favorite Christmas song? I'm dreamin' of a white Christmas"

"If I ever go missing,,, I hope they put my photo on bottles of OCD medication, cuz you know those people won't stop looking."

"Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child"