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Joke of the Day

"How many blondes does it take to screw a light bulb?? Just 1...blondes will screw anything."

"What does Santa call his English Elves? Subordinate clauses. ... I'll see myself out."

"Imagine falling in love with someone and then finding out they say ""worthwild"""

"Old Chinese proverb: Man who runs in front of car gets tired. Man who runs behind car gets exhausted."

"Why doesn't Kermit the Frog like elephants ? They always want to play leap frog with him"

"I have a lot of clothes but I only wear like 5% and It looks like I have none and I refuse to wear the other 95% because I fucking look ugly in them."

"Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite. I know that joke has its faults, so I'll just accept my pumicement and go back to looking at cleavage."

"My son has a play-date today & the mom said to dress him in holiday colors so he's in all black & I'm telling her we worship the dark lord."

"I will show you a picture on my phone, but if you swipe right or left, I will break your finger."

"Women can be so ungrateful. I just made breakfast in bed & instead of thanking me, she screams ""Who are you! How did you get in my house?"""