211175

Joke of the Day

"Turns out telling a friend ""you're giving off a weird vibe tonight"" is not the most direct way to tell them they're on fire"

"Just watched The Martian I found it odd that NASA would commission SpaceX to make the Iris probe."

"Psychic in a clothes shop Employee: How about this one? Psychic: Nah, its too small Employee:But you haven't even tried it on. Psychic: I'm a medium"

"What do engineers use for birth control? Personality."

"I like sleeping with amish women that way i don't have to call the next day"

"On earth: A magician puts his hand in his hat. In the rabbit realm: The Hand emerges. It is time. The rabit council must choose another sacrifice."

"What do you call a nun that walks in her sleep? A roamin' Catholic."

"When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, ""I think it's Santa Claus!"" so I don't have to get up."

"What did the wind turbine say to Al Gore? I'm a big fan."

"RED RIDING HOOD: what big pupils you have grandmother WOLF: yeah I found some pills in the bathroom I love you they're unreal you want some?"