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Joke of the Day

"Turns out telling a friend ""you're giving off a weird vibe tonight"" is not the most direct way to tell them they're on fire"

"How can a can you double your money? By folding it in half."

"I always thought Hamlet was the story of a small pig."

"When I was born I was given two choices: The first was to have a perfect memory, and the other was to have a huge penis. Unfortunately, I can't remember which one I chose."

"Helen Keller walks into a bar Then a chair, then a table."

"I know a certain right hand that is going to be getting VERY lucky tonight..."

"I have a severe allergy to alcohol Whenever I drink it I breakout in handcuffs."

"Have you ever shoed a horse? No, but I've told a donkey to fuck off."

"Tiger, Lance, and now Oscar Maybe Nike should tell their athletes ""Just Don't Do It!"""

"The wife told me to go out and get some of those pills that will help me get an erection. You should have seen her face when I came back and gave her some diet pills."