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Joke of the Day

"I am now referring to my parents as numbers like you guys refer to your kids. 72 & 70 are coming to visit, send wine."

"My fat friend, who always says I'm cheating when I roll so much as a 16, just rolled a perfect 20. Ugh, I fucking hate hippo-crits."

"A cucumber made a dill with the devil. He's in quite a pickle now."

"I don't always roll a joint... But when I do, it's my ankle."

"I can't believe my neighbors came to my house at 5:00 AM... ...thank god I was already up playing the bagpipes."

"Not a Latvian joke Lost job and no money for buy potato. Also is cold. Regret immigrate to Detroit."

"Had to stop watching Game of Thrones with my parents tonight, because of all the sex. So I've recorded it to watch after they've finished."

"What is the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut sleeps with everyone. A bitch sleeps with everyone, except you."

"Why do green beans meditate? To find inner peas!"

"What's the difference between plants and black men? Cells are found inside plants."