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Joke of the Day

"I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts ""Batman"" when he's drunk. I know I do."

"So I was at the Library today .. And a black Gentleman came over to me and asked where the coloured printer was. I replied ""Man its 2016 you can use any printer!"""

"Not sure if I washed the spider down the drain in my shower or if he took one look at me naked and then leapt willingly to his death."

"Why do crows do vocal exercises every morning? For the Good of the Caws."

"I have been try to come up with a funny joke about leeches. I couldn't because they all suck"

"I bought a spray bottle to break my girlfriend of looking at her phone when I'm speaking. I hide it after use so she doesn't know who did it"

"What should you call a polite friendly kind good looking monster? A failure."

"LPT: To baby-proof your home: put your front doorknob like 4 feet off the ground so the babies can't reach it. Then those fuckers won't get in!"

"A werewolf is chasing you. You're on a Segway. The werewolf is too. Both batteries are dying, and the chase gets slower and slower."

"What do alcoholics and necropheliacs have in common? They both love to crack open a cold one."