211023

Joke of the Day

"Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes."

"Rent boat. Go out to sea. Find sperm whale. Tell him he's called sperm whale. Console sperm whale. Have fun with new whale best friend."

"I didn't come here tonight to win a popularity contest. Is there one though? Because that will probably affect my behaviour."

"Guys GUYS wait! Stay awake, for God's sake stay awake because I just found out if you die on Twitter YOU DIE IN REAL LIFE!"

"A PhD in Fencing would be pretty useful... ... if you ever had a backgarden dispute with a neighbor."

"What does D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexic Association."

"Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached."

"Why do bees hum? Because they don't know the words!"

"I support international women day! Because American women are so much less fun."

"How many Women Priest are there? Nun."