210902

Joke of the Day

"Dear spouse: When I said I needed more physical contact, I was not aiming for you to high five me whenever I walk by..."

"I just got ripped off by a Chinese guy. This pan he sold me doesn't fly at all."

"What's a hipsters favorite season? Summer, they like it before it's cool"

"Nine months from now we'll have an adorable, pooping reminder of The Night the Internet Wasn't Working."

"I have a condition that makes my heart rate jump when I see a poorly dressed person. It's called tackycardia."

"I shot two camera lenses out of two cannons into each other at high speed... ...I wanted to make a kaleidoscope"

"Standing in the snow on a sub-zero morning, holding a steaming bag of poop, I begin to question my dogs are better than people' philosophy."

"What do crocs and getting a blowjob from a guy have in common? They both feel great until you look down and realize you're gay."

"What's the difference between a hook and a hooker? You can unscrew a hook, but you can't unscrew a hooker"

"Ghost hunters use special cameras made specifically for taking soulfies."