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Joke of the Day

"What do crocs and getting a blowjob from a guy have in common? They both feel great until you look down and realize you're gay."

"Don't panic if your parachute doesn't open! You have the rest of your life to fix it!"

"Ordered a honey bee kit off Amazon. Can't wait to tell my co-workers all the benefits of honey that I Googled right before telling them."

"Where's my cell? ""Right there."" That's not my phone. ""Yes it is. I cleaned it!"" My cell's white?"

"Yo moma so old... in her history class, they just wrote down what they was doing!"

"[Dr's office] ""I have Carrie like reflexes"" Don't you mean cat-like reflexes? *Dr hits my knee with reflex hammer and I set him on fire* No"

"Did you hear about the fire man who lost his job? He was laid off."

"Apparently half of men have a problem with premature ejaculation The rest of us just don't think its a problem."

"""Waking up when you got a baby, you feel like you drank a bottle of whiskey the night before, except the shit's in someone else's pants."""

"I heard netflix is going to start putting ads in the middle of shows Netflix and shill"