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Joke of the Day

"My wife is going sky diving and I'm truly terrified The last time something that large hit the ground the fucking dinosaurs died!"

"What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry"

"I am... A joke !"

"What do you get when you mix the atlantic with the titanic About half way"

"Things I know I cannot do but still try to: 1. Cartwheel 2. Hit the high note 3. Move things with my mind 4. Eat 'just one' 5. Be Cool"

"If ever I commit murder, I'm doing it with Indian flatbread. Naan violent crimes get shorter sentences in respect for their counterparts."

"Two Men Walk Into A Bar Its okay, they're getting stitches at the hospital."

"What do you do if an elephant swallows you whole? Run around until you get pooped out. :)"

"""hey dad, when did they outlaw hyperboles?"" ""hmm i dont know son, like a bajillion million years ago? idiot"" *cops bust down door*"

"What does it look like when you microwave a baby? Not sure, I close my eyes when I masturbate"