9078

Joke of the Day

"Things I know I cannot do but still try to: 1. Cartwheel 2. Hit the high note 3. Move things with my mind 4. Eat 'just one' 5. Be Cool"

"What do you call with a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky"

"So my doctor said I have 6 months so I shot him and the judge gave me 15 years"

"Ted Cruz is complaining about ""liberal fascism,"" so I guess he's just stringing random unrelated words together, like ""potato doorknob."""

"I went to see a Spanish magician and he told the crowd that he could make himself disappear on the count of three. He started counting. ""Uno! Dos!"" And then he was gone. Without a tres."

"What's the best part about sleeping with twenty five year olds? There's twenty of them."

"The only thing I have to say about Bristol Palin ""You're welcome."""

"It's exhausting typing ""NO ONE GIVES A SHIT"" to all your friends' baby pics on Facebook."

"I have a lot of wisdom in regards to oral hygiene. I'd consider myself a flosserpher."

"Everyone always makes fun of my man purse until I bust out a flask of whiskey, a bag of weed, a bong, milk, cookies and a cheese platter."