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Joke of the Day

"I think my wife has a surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed."

"What is a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Sir/Ma'am, We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons: 1. Illegal Downloading"

"I'm drunk & I want a TV Special called ""Wizard Fight"" where David Copperfield, David Blaine and Cris Angel try to make each other disappear."

"My mate said he had a job putting down sick cats... Can't believe he gets paid to slay mad pussy."

"A man goes to the doctors... and says ""I think I'm a moth"" The Doctor says, ""I think you need to see a psychiatrist about that"". The man says, ""Yeah I was on my way but I saw your light was on""."

"Did you hear about that rich kid who got a car for his birthday? He drove it into a tree to see how his Mercedes bends."

"wife [text] I'm so proud of you for sticking to your diet me [can't respond because there's powdered donut on my fingers]"

"What was Albert Einsteins DJ name? MC Squared"

"I sleep better naked. Why is this flight attendant unable to understand that?"

"dont remember a dang thing from last night but i have a crossbow now"