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Joke of the Day

"wife [text] I'm so proud of you for sticking to your diet me [can't respond because there's powdered donut on my fingers]"

"How to break up with someone- You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: which one? You: MEEEEE BYEEEEEEEE"

"Why does Hillary Clinton not give good blowjobs? Because her teeth are too fake and big"

"What is the dumbest animal? An ignoraMOOSE"

"What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole? Donald Trump's tie"

"Who did the dyslexic man sell his soul to? Santa. /cringe"

"Everytime I listen 'freudien slip' I always think in my ... ... psychology classes. And you ?"

"Does North Korea remember what happened the last time a country attacked Hawaii?"

"You can call me a narcissist... Just make sure you say my name."

"Yea? Well who died & made you Batman? Oh crap..that's right. Bruce, I'm so sorry. Come on, dude, don't cry. Seriously, where you going?"