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Joke of the Day

"wife [text] I'm so proud of you for sticking to your diet me [can't respond because there's powdered donut on my fingers]"

"What do u call a spanish man with a rubber toe? Roberto"

"What is the smartest fruit? It's the orange, BOY CAN IT CONCENTRATE!"

"I don't need to run a marathon to load up on carbs and ask someone to wrap me up in a blanket."

"Waiter: May I take your order? Yes, roll over and play dead! Waiter: It's not that kind of order. Oh. Sorry. I'll have the cheese sticks."

"Argument with a woman is like reading the Software License Agreement... . . . . . At the end, you ignore everything and click 'I agree'."

"I love these hot summer nights when you can open all the windows and fall asleep naked. I'm not sure my taxi driver appreciates it though."

"No control I have no control. There is no escape. I don't even have a home. I think I should get a knew keyboard."

"What happens when someone overdoses on Viagra? They die hard."

"Baby your dirtier than my browsers history!"