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Joke of the Day

"Why does Edward Woodward have so many Ds in his name? Because if he didn't, he'd be called Ewar Woowar."

"Happy International Women's day. Or a sad one. Or an angry one. Or a passive aggressive one. You never really know with women."

"If video games actually influenced behaviour you'd see a lot more people accidentally jumping in the air when they try to open doors."

"What kind of bee can't be understood ? A mumble bee !"

"Finally found a house! We couldn't afford it and it wasn't for sale, but we just murdered the owners and took it anyway. Happy Columbus Day!"

"There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will get this."

"What kind of socks do you find in your backyard? Garden hose."

"What do you call the prince of england's donger? The buckingham phallus."

"Stop eating all the shrimp, Sean Connery It's shellfish."

"So I ordered the 50 cent at the bar last night... The bartender gave me 9 shots and took all my money"